Q is for Q & A on Sexless Relationships
Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is Q and Q is for Q&A – on Sexless Relationships with Kate Moyle.
Sexless relationships are often defined as when a couple has sex 6 or less times per year.
This is an area people find really difficult to approach and manage. There are many reasons that people stop having sex in their intimate relationships. Sometimes it isn’t a problem and the couple is happy with the sex they are having or without having sex at all. Other times, this becomes the elephant in the room that no on will talk about.
Joining me today Kate Moyle is an Accredited Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist in Central London.
Kate Moyle specialises in working with those that are struggling with difficulties with their sex lives and sexuality, including many in their twenties and thirties who are impacted by the stresses of modern life.
She considers a client’s problem or sexual dysfunction in terms of their personal context and meaning and the role it holds for them as an individual. Kate often works with people to recognise their personal understanding of their sexuality and sexual health; with the view that issues have roots in psychology, emotion, the physical body, and a person’s history and culture. Ultimately her aim is to help people get to a place of sexual health, happiness and wellbeing. Alongside her work as a therapist she is also Co-Founded and is Partner at Pillow App for Couples (http://www.pillow.io) which helps busy couples to fit intimacy into their lives in a convenient and connecting way, by providing audio-guided intimacy episodes that focus on sensual touch, communication, eye-contact and other basic forms of intimacy. Kate is passionate about having open, honest and realistic conversations about sex; that help people to feel educated and aware in order that they can make the informed decisions that are best for them and feel comfortable in their sexuality.
Kate Moyle and I talked about shame as the basis for most of the messages that we get about sex growing up and the reason that talking about sex and working out problems around sex can be so difficult.
Kate pointed out that many people think they ‘should’ have sex at a certain frequency and that really it is what feels good to each individual and the couple as a whole that is important. She spoke of banning the word ‘should’ from her practice.
We spoke about the fact that young people also find they have difficulties with their sexual lives and that often this is because there is so much pressure via every day life. We spoke about the wide variety of people who find the whole topic anxiety provoking.
The big take aways from this discussion:
- There is no set amount of sex that is right for every relationship. If you are happy with the amount of sex you are having, then that is the right amount.
- If you aren’t happy with the amount of sex you are having, things can be done to help resolve the issues.
- Sex and intimacy are not the same thing and that you can have a relationship where the sex is non-existent but there is still a lot of touching and emotional intimacy.
- Shame has no place in sex and relationships. If we talk about these things and end the silence, relationships improve. Silence feeds shame. Talking demolishes shame.
Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of Sex this week. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at email@example.com , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook. Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.
For a free 30-minute discovery session with me, go to https://the-intimacy-coach.com/ and head to my contact page to click on my calendar and schedule directly. If you enjoy the show please leave me a review on iTunes and Stitcher. Join me next week for the letter R