J is for Jilling Off
Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is J and J is for Jilling Off (otherwise known as masturbation).
Today’s discussion is about self-pleasure. Masturbation is something that most people do and many people are unjustly ashamed of. Joining me today to talk about this juicy subject is Dr. Martha Tara Lee. She is is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists), as well as a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists). Martha holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality as well as Certificates in Sex Therapy, Practical Counselling and Life Coaching. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40′ by Her World Singapore in July 2010 and ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women by CozyCot Singapore in March 2011.
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee decided to take it upon herself to be an advocate for positive sexuality in 2007. She set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality, then launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She has worked with a lot of couples (international and local) who have unconsummated marriage; men and women with sexual inhibitions and sexual desire discrepancies; men with erection and ejaculation concerns; as well as with GLBTQQ and kink folks. A born and bred Singaporean Chinese, Martha welcomes individuals as well as couples of all sexual orientations, and is available via Skype or face-to-face in Singapore. Martha speaks English and Mandarin.
Since 2011, she has been (and still is) the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore. This accolade is only for those who meet the stringent requirements determined by AASECT, which is the leading professional organization for sexuality educators, sexuality counselors and sex therapists in the United States. In short, she strives to be the one of the best sexologists in the world.
She takes pride in making sure all her events are fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. You can read the testimonials she’s received over years here.
Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore (since 2009), and Men’s Health Malaysia (since 2010). She also contributes regularly towards YourTango and Elephant Journal. She is also the host of weekly radio show Eros Evolution for OMTimes Radio. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40’ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. Her first book Love, Sex and Everything In-Between was published by Marshall Cavendish in Oct 2013, and her second Orgasmic Yoga: Masturbation, Meditation and Everything In-Between in Aug 2015.
Welcome to the show Martha! Let’s start with some parameters. What do you see falling under the term masturbation? ‘All forms of self-pleasure and self-love.’
We went on to talk about the importance of masturbation in creating self-love, self-knowledge and learning to trust your body. Martha hosts Masturbation Month in May and spends this time educating others on masturbation and how it can heal. She talked about prolonged masturbation which lasts for hours and is used to help peel away layers so that the person can become completely comfortable with self and learn that love can come from within. She spoke about the epiphany she experienced when she was practicing prolonged masturbation (a date with herself) when she realised that love can come from within and that she is already complete and does not need to look externally. Martha said that this created a shift in her that has lasted and that she has attracted different types of people since this shift.
Martha spoke about sex magic and that this is when you make an intention for the energy you generate when masturbating or having sex. She pointed out that this is the most renewable and powerful energy source we have and talked about before orgasm (or during or even after) setting an intention for the energy and sending it to world peace, or to those you love, or even to connecting with all orgasms past, present and future.
We highlighted that many people are so ashamed of a desire to masturbate and many people have little education about how to pleasure themselves. We both agreed that getting rid of the shame and teaching self-pleasure is essential. Martha reminded me that when someone masturbates, they can give themselves pleasure whether they are in a relationship or not and so don’t feel as obligated to enter into sexual experiences that don’t serve them.
We also underscored how important trusting yourself is and that with masturbation you learn a deep level of self-trust. You learn to trust your body and what your body can do and that this makes your experiences with others better as well.
You can find Dr Martha Lee here:
Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and visit both websites https://www.atozofsex.com and http://www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship. For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to https://www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’. If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Sticher and please subscribe! Join me next week when the letter will be K and K is for Kinky.