G is for Gay Men and relationship Models

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex with me, Dr Lori Beth Bisbey. I am a sex and intimacy coach and psychologist and I’ve spent the last 30 + years helping people to create hot and healthy sexual and intimate relationships. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Today the letter is G and G is for Gay Men and Relationship Models.

In many areas and for many years, gay men have been seen as less likely to engage in committed relationships and more likely to be non-monogamous. It seems that relationships were seen as either casual or committed long term and there was nothing in between. It is time to talk about the vast landscape of colours and shades of grey in between a hookup and getting married.

Joining me to examine this area is Rahim Thawer. Rahim Thawer is a registered social worker who works as a psychotherapist family health team in Toronto and as a consultant in private practice. He operates from a harm reduction, sex-positive, anti-oppressive,trauma-informed approach providing psychotherapy to newcomer, racialized, queer, trans, HIV-affected communities around issues of anxiety, depression, trauma, body image, and problem substance use. Rahim also supervises masters of social work and counselling psychology students, has taught as a post-secondary instructor at George Brown College, Centennial College, and Ryerson University. He developed a curriculum for Centennial College’s Addiction & Mental Health Worker Program. Rahim is a co-editor of a local history anthology Any Other Way: How Toronto Got Queer, shortlisted for the 2017 Toronto Book Awards, and one of the founding members of Ismaili Queers: Advocates for Pluralism, is part of the National Core Organizing Team with Salaam Canada, an LGBTQ Muslim organization. To learn more about his work, visit

Some gay men seem to have adopted the heteronormative marriage model without even considering all the assumptions and expectations that go with it. Adapting the model to work in modern gay relationships is a subject that needs discussion.